Bun's Pain.

Sometimes it's hard to be independent.
Sometimes it's impossible to be. If there is noone else to lean on, then it can be very torturous and painful. If there was someone who offered you a helping hand, you'd most probably take it and hold on with dear life. But at the same time, don't let yourself be carried away and do something you'd (or most normal people would) regret later.

When it gets hard and unbearable, you drown as you're trapped under the surface of the dark sea of lost hope and despair.

While you're trapped under the surface tension of chaos, all you feel is coldness and lonesomeness. You become extremely aware of the fact that you are completely alone. You are fully aware of your pain. And there's no escaping it.

To swim above and break the surface of this dark force, ultimately requires another person. Noone can ever resurface from depression or illness by themselves. Without a safety ground for you to land on when times get rough, you must fall and die. (boo =P)

Escape the pain momentarily, at least regain a sense of personal safety by distracting yourself with meaningless spoof on TV or internet. Count the dust in your room. Look through past letters. Anything to keep your mind off the pain. It will always be there, but you need temporarily relief.

At times like these, I wish I never thought of myself as a 'lone wolf' of the forest who doesn't need any close companions. With distrust embedded into my system, it's hard to lean on a security fence with no certification.

Yet again, when you live alone throughout your life, there will be noone there to pull you out from the depths of the waters.

One person, I always thought, one person who understands you and respects you and love you unconditionally. I always thought it was this one soulmate who will be all you need in this world full of lies and treachery and fraud. With my great insecurities and distrust in everything aroun me, including myself, I took the risk. If I took the right risk, and if the world is merciful and kind, I will finally find ultimate security and happiness.

But for now, I am too lost in the pain.
Distract me, please.